untitled, actually…

For all curious minds…

Yes, a 3.5 month long relationship ended about a month ago… and I suppose you, my friends, are asking why, and more often than not, you’d get an answer like “we’re just too different”, or “things didn’t work out”…

Through this blog, I want to set some things straight.  Now, I’m not here to bad mouth my ex, and tell you that I’m the victim… and if I seem to “jeopardize things” by telling other people about what’s happening to me, let me say that I happen to allow people to know about me openly, because I honestly would want people to do that to me. I want people to be open about themselves to me.  This may seem that I don’t know how to keep any secrets.  I don’t keep too many secrets about myself, but I am proud to say that I am great at keeping other people’s secrets…

Okay… so, why did we break up?

We are different… that was one of the things I really realized when we had a few days apart… I was more flexible when it comes to adapting to people’s personalities.  I know I judge people initially, but I adapt easily upon knowing how they really are after a few conversations.  I’m not saying my ex isn’t. it’s just that he’s so exposed to a lot of these personalities already that he has a pre-programmed reaction to certain types of people.  I’m one of those people.

He regarded me as a good daughter, the daughter who seeks advice of parents, who still asks for their permission to go on out-of-towns, who still relies on parents for support.  Apparently, he wants someone who’s more liberated, rebellious, and outgoing… he didn’t know that when I come across people with these types of personalities, I become one, even more, like them. When we became a couple, it began a few arguments between me and my mom.  One of them was her not allowing me to go to Baguio the second time with my then-boyfriend (we became a couple during our first trip to Baguio).

I honestly was hesitant to go to Baguio because it was already the rainy season.  I, being a good daughter, wanted to save up some money to help out with my brother’s education and finances in the house. I’m not being a cheapskate, but more on being a little more practical. I don’t get paid much, but I get by with what I get, with a little extra for our dates.  Baguio was another expense.  I didn’t want to rely on him for the expenses, him being already a breadwinner.

So he was able to bring out of me a rebellious daughter for those 3 months, because those months were when I had the most arguments with my mom…

He wanted someone independent… who says I’m not independent? What kind of independence does he want? Someone who lives on her own, is accountable to for each and every thing that happens to her? When I told my bestfriend about it, she gave out a laugh… “Bevz! You’re already so independent! You can practically decide on your own! Choice mo ang magpaalam sa parents mo, choice mo ang magbigay ng pera kada sweldo, choice mo ang mag-stay sa bahay nyo instead of renting out! It was your choice to be with him instead of that other guy…”

Things didn’t work out… basically because we didn’t do anything to work it out… we didn’t talk because he didn’t want to talk. I had the initiative to go to his house, in hopes of fixing things, but nothing happened… we just kissed and made out… we didn’t have time for each other because I was busy with work, and he was busy, period.  I didn’t want to divulge any other additional details, coz that’s between him and me. The thing is, we really weren’t able to talk much.  He wasn’t that brave to break it to me… that things can’t go on because he’s tired of the same things…

My God! He got tired so easily! I do admit that we already experienced a lot of things together, but he wasn’t able to understand that there’s still so much ahead of us, if he only gave it a chance… technically, we broke everything off mutually, but actually, it was his initiative. So maybe I could say he broke up with me, instead of the other way around…

Of course, I was devastated. You can see my hair, how radically it had changed… for the first 3 days, I went home and sulked (coz I filed for a leave of absence, tapos long weekend…) went out a few nights with friends, had a few drinks (something I wasn’t able to do with my ex coz we rarely went out on a drinking spree)… I was devastated, but I realized that time that I had so many friends that care… AND THAT I HAVE A GOD THAT’S BIGGER THAN EVERYTHING!!! My opening up paid off… I’m not soliciting any sympathy, as after 2 or 3 occasions, I already got tired of explaining to people what happened, after I changed my profile, from “in a relationship” to “Single”… but my friends certainly made an effort to make me feel okay, and that a first boyfriend, a first ex is not at all bad… chatting and chugging sessions made me feel better indeed, and made me “ENJOY SINGLE BLESSEDNESS”…

Right now, believe it or not, I feel fine… I’m enjoying… I got the spare time to read all of my pending books (and borrow some Harry Potters from an officemate), go to places I’ve never been before (like hangout at a friend’s house), and hanging out with people I wasn’t able to hang out before…

I’m happy! I feel fine! And I’m looking forward to whatever God has in store for me… i believe i have strengthened my faith by experiencing all of these…if it’s still him, or someone else, it’ll all depend on God’s will for me…

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About angelbevz

I'm a girl full of contradictions.
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