>My sad roadblock…

>yes, i bumped into a road block, just this morning when i woke up…  I can tell it’s not just my menstrual period ending, causing my head to really ache so much, and my body to be feeling really heavy,  because those were the types of pain i can endure over and over again… they’re part of my biological cycle… (but these honestly made me feel like i don’t want to go to the office today, as they might affect my performance, then I’d feel worse…)

But what I read through my cellphone, when i woke up to my alarm was this…

“hi.. i just hope na you are really happy with your life right now.. i wish you the best in everything bevz.. take care of yourself well.. bye.”

and i was like, what?!  It took me a while before I can get out of bed, and release the tension this created among the neurons in my brain…

I hate goodbyes… I ultimately despise goodbyes… okay, so I loathe goodbyes… I’m not talking about the “goodbye, I’m going abroad,” or “goodbye, I’m going to the province for a very long time,”… these are a part of life… the physical separation… here, there’s the promise of keeping in touch, communicating once in a while, and still remaining friends or relatives no matter the distance…

So, I’m talking about the “goodbye, i cannot see you anymore”, or the “goodbye, we can never be friends again”, or what we could classify as the emotional goodbyes… the end of relationships… these are the saddest ones, as they not only mean a physical separation, but an emotional separation as well…

now, this particular text struck me because it came from the person who’s name appeared in one of my earlier blogs (when i was still a broken angel), and he was my inspiration for the last blog i wrote (aptly titled “Love is…”)…  The first thing i noticed in the text was this sad word, that almost ruined the start of my day…

I am really happy with my life right now… As I have told my friends, “I am hoping, but I am not moping… I am hoping, and coping…”  I wanna be happy with my life right now, so that when he comes back, I’d be happier… I wanna be happy now, so that when he comes back and then something makes me feel sad, I wouldn’t rely too much on him to make me happy, so that I wouldn’t be frustrated in case he does something to make me happy, but it doesn’t seem to be enough… I wanna be happy and content on my own, so that when he comes back, I wouldn’t need to ask too much, or demand too much from him… And he wouldn’t feel frustrated and think that he’s not giving me enough…

Okay, so I’m still very much in love with my ex-boyfriend… but being not together does not stop me from enjoying things on my own and thinking of our future together… I appreciate that we are friends now, and so far, I may seem to lie if I say I’m not expecting things to develop this early, but yes… I’m not expecting things to develop and be just like before… I know it would take time… and as i have said before, I WILL WAIT…

God bless!!

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About angelbevz

I'm a girl full of contradictions.
This entry was posted in boyfriend, goodbye, relationship, tension. Bookmark the permalink.

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