>scrap "paper bag" for ex#1


I don’t have a scrap book, but what I do have are scrap “paper bags”, where I put almost all of my “memories” particularly those about “men” that became a part of my life.  It wouldn’t be too worth it, if I spend time to just compile these in scrap books, as these would definitely be constant reminders of men that came and went.

So, one day, during this Bum period, I was able to rummage through one of them, particularly that of an ex who got married last April.  I remember him giving me a book, which is actually a compilation of literary pieces from UP’s College of Arts and Letters, and College of Social Sciences and Philosophy [the latter being my ex’s college].  He also gave me a black malong from one of his Puerto Galera trips [not knowing that this actually had a symbolic meaning in our relationship, given that it’s black].  These 2 items, I already sold in a “garage sale” organized by my church organization 2 years ago.

Back to my scrap “paper bag”.  It was actually a paper bag from Bench, pink in color, and made of a not-so-hard type of paper.  Inside were pictures I’ve printed [I remember printing them in pairs, a copy for him, and a copy for me]; 2 ticklers, into which I copied his text messages [from the long forwarded quotes to the short “hi’s” and “hello’s”]; printed emails; a wrapper used for the bouquet he gave me on our first monthsary; some tissue papers and restaurant receipts, where little notes and sweet short poems were written; and a pen holder from TOD’s [with a guitar design, and with  letters bearing my nickname.  On the guitar, there was an “I Love You” sign on it.

As I looked through the things in the paper bag, seeing that I printed some pictures made me smile.  We were happy…  Then I felt sad, after realizing that the hundreds of pictures that we have were already deleted.  I remember storing them in my pc, when my new boyfriend saw them and asked me to delete them, and delete them in the recycle bin… Hmm, back then, it wasn’t a sad thing to do because I loved my new boyfriend, but now, I sort of regretted doing it.  It was a different memory…

Anyway, I also got to read the print outs of the emails we exchanged.  I remember how I looked forward every morning for an email from him.  See, he works for a call center, with a shift that equivalent to London time [3pm to 12mn], and before he goes home, he makes sure that he leaves an email for me to read the following morning.  Even just the simple “I Love You” made me start the morning in a happy note.  Then there were emails where we talked about how that was a new experience for me, as he was actually the first serious suitor I had [the first actual suitor was someone I met for just about a month before this first boyfriend of mine ever reconnected].  It was all so sweet, and almost perfect…

Too perfect that it  had to end after four months…

I remember not being happy anymore, feeling used and abused, and feeling dirty and sinful for the things we did…

We didn’t speak with each other, or text each other till my birthday last year, and new year’s day this year.  It was great to have reconnected with him, after more than 2 years of being estranged.  After all, this was a guy whom I loved, even for just a brief moment in time.

I’m not planning to add anymore items in that paper bag.  It was enough that I was able to fill it with memories.  It was enough that I got to use another paper bag [or two] for the next guy who passed by, but that’s another story…


About angelbevz

I'm a girl full of contradictions.
This entry was posted in boyfriend, perfect, relationship, remembering. Bookmark the permalink.

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