I’m not too sure where this came from, how this feeling came about, and why this feeling came to me.
For most of my life, I have remembered wanting to be in relationships. Not only of the romantic kind, but of course, there are other types of relationships, right?
When I was younger, I was Princess Congeniality (except for that time I snubbed people in a wedding while I was the flower girl, with a picture to prove it). It was easy for me to introduce myself to people and ask for their names.
Then, when I was in Prep, I might have had this dream, that must have been actually real: I was in a circle with my classmates, and they were all whispering things. Things I have never learned about. Things that stirred an early paranoia of being talked about. Things that haunted me, perhaps for years.
It was this seemingly innocent incident that might have shaped how I now interact with people, and maintain relationships with them. If there was such a thing as a social butterfly, I would be the socially awkward moth. People might say I don’t look like it nowadays. But inside, that’s “where the demons hide”…..
…to be continued…