Where my demons hide. Pt. 3

I was a consistent Silver medalist. The Second Honors, since I was in first grade. Every end of the school year, I would already expect being recognized with the achievement. So when I dropped to Bronze medalist / Third honors on fourth grade, I first experienced a low point in my life. My depression seemed to have sunk deeper come fifth grade, when my usual medal transformed to a mere Red ribbon with a gold-plated name plate.

I must have some thing really great during my 6th grade because I was able to redeem so much of who I am achievement-wise. I regained the Second Honors / Silver medalist position, and I passed the entrance exam to a premiere Science Highschool in Manila. I felt like I was on top of the world!

With a sense of pride, I entered the gates of Secondary education. Only to be welcomed by a hardship I have never imagined and never prepared for during my final year in grade school. I was met with Algebra.

I used to be a Math Whiz, but only in terms of the usual MDAS operations. But I was not able to acquaint myself fully of all X’s and Y’s. I again entered a dark room of disappointment and desperation, succumbing to the rotten fruits of overconfidence.

In my first year until third year in high school, I was in a section belonging to the lower half. 8 sections in all, and I was part of 7, 6, and 5 from 1st to 3rd year respectively.

Again, I must have redeemed myself in my 3rd year, surprisingly favoring Trigonometry and Computer Science, that I advanced in my 4th year to the Top section. I was classmates with the future valedictorian, salutatorian, and Principal’s listers. I did not dare aim higher, to belong to the top 10, as this has been long dominated by the same people since the first year. But it was enough honor for me to claim that I belonged to the 1st section.

I again carried a sense of pride, having passed a quota course in a top notch state university. But met Algebra again through Math 17 which immediately pulled my soaring spirits back to the ground. On the coming semesters, I have bounced back yet again, after each close defeat against Accounting and Economics. Further confirming I was never destined to be a CPA or an Economist. Neither can I claim that I am Business minded, considering my degree. I simply just minded a lot of things.

Maybe I was actually meant for Psychology, or Broadcast Journalism. My interests geared towards writing, analyzing behaviors, reading. But I landed on jobs that weren’t closely, but generally supported by what I finished in college.

Given my history of achievements, or lack thereof, my 3rd demon arrives with a whack on my head. Trying so hard to wake me up from my status quo of a career. Trying to steer me from a job that does not fit my lifestyle nor my interest.

My ignorance of where I should be at this age, in my career, is where some of my demons hide…

… to be continued…

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About angelbevz

I'm a girl full of contradictions.
This entry was posted in achievement, life, motivation, moving on, past, positivity, relax, state of mind, work and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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