My Legacy

“I will make your name renowned through all generations; thus nations shall praise you forever.” Ps 45:17/18

I have had the chance of being given a special role to glorify God. It was somehow a dream come true to serve Him using my talent, and a lot of people recognized that the gift was truly remarkable. There was a time when I was “top of mind” when it came to deliver certain songs. I was even one-third of a group of women who rendered songs beautifully for the glory of God.

Because of this talent, I was told that people were inspired, and people wanted to join the Music Ministry. Some kids [perhaps] looked up to me, and wanted to serve God the same way. God gave me a new role, by being a Team Head for the afternoon sessions. I was offered the role of Ministry Head where I was serving as head of Warmth, but declined after discerning that I’d be of more help to God’s people being team head. Another one-third of the women group, I suggested to be Ministry Head. Aside from being Head of that group, she also leads the people of the Lord in other groups to worship.

I had wanted to improve my talent. I somehow wanted to glorify God not only in leading the people through singing, but also in worshipping. I was given this role in small gatherings, and I took all the chances given. Even when I was alone and just listening to worship songs, I was practicing, pretending I was in front of a big audience, leading them to worship God. I pictured myself going on stage, exhorting, and conditioning people into worship.

During that time, I felt I was at the peak of my service. People knew me for my talent. Some were at awe to be in a caring group with me. Some would say that they are amazed to know that I am approachable, that I seem to be kind, despite the “celebrity” status. Some people wanted to be associated with me [or so I thought]. Of course, there were new people coming in, rising talents, and we were transferring to bigger venues where more people are being led for spiritual nourishment, thus more people were needed to serve. But when there was a celebration, or a special song, I would be called to do it in front of God’s people. And I would pray to make sure I did the song justice, and that I’d be an effective channel of any message God wanted to give His people.

Then, I got engaged.
Then, I got married, and got pregnant.
Then, I gave birth to my daughter, and turned my world upside down.

I still have my talent. I still head a team of servants. But I knew my “time to shine” in glorifying God on stage has reached its peak, and is now on a “decline.” Though I have never strongly advertised myself to sing on events, I had wanted to do so. And some people would ask me to do so. But now, that dream has started to fade away, too. Now, as my world turned, so are people’s preferences. I was no longer “top of mind”. I was now “sought after”, in its truest sense: I was sought after their top choices declined or were unavailable.

Had all this happened before my life’s milestones, I would have ranted and asked God why people would now prefer fresh talent over seasoned ones. There were still times, though, when the realization hits, that my role to glorify God is no longer to lead groups of people to sing and worship, as He has entrusted new and younger people to do it.

Good thing, there is someone who makes me realize I have a new and much bigger role now. I am now to lead someone, who isn’t necessarily unchurched, but definitely someone who is unschooled, and has yet to learn all aspects in this life: my daughter.

My glorifying God has now been brought to a higher, but a deeper level at the same time. Not only will I need to lead my daughter into worshipping God, but I shall be her first model in everything. I shall be God’s manifestation in this world of parenthood to her. I shall be her first teacher, her first leader of songs and of worship, her first picture of a servant. And what she will become as she grows up in God’s grace, will be a reflection of how I was as a mother and guide to her.

I have had my own dreams, and my own chances to chase after them. Now, it’s time to nurture my daughter into making her own dreams and helping to make sure she chases and catches them. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t make her reach the dreams I once had and had been frustrated about. Rather, I’d help her with her own dreams. But while she has yet to craft them in her own mind and her own time, through God’s guidance, I’ll help pave the way.

When the time comes, and she grows up to be the God-centered woman I envisioned her to be, I will know that I have done my creator justice, and served Him the best way that I can.

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About angelbevz

I'm a girl full of contradictions.
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