Simply Amazing… :)

No, it’s not about a Telecom who used to have this as their tagline..

I am talking about the wonderful things that God has bestowed and has been showing me, since I embraced that thing called “Self-employment”. I would say that I haven’t really earned as much as I used to, but hey, I’m only 4 days in the job. But the opportunities are so limitless! Ideas are overflowing, the energy is there, the love is just overwhelming… God is simply amazing!

Not only is God nourishing my source of Finances, but he is also enriching my relationships! I get to watch TV and have lunch with my parents. I get to see my friends anytime. Yeah, I don’t have Facebook mobile to communicate constantly with those who are abroad,  but who needs it when I can just go to wherever they are and enjoy a cup of coffee and a few laughs? Yeah I don’t have my car, but I would surely use all that free time not behind a wheel to sleep or think of other ideas to be productive, or just read a good book! Which reminds me, I’m not done with “Blood of Olympus”, and a new book is out. waaaahh!!!

Overall, I am truly enjoying it this early in my Self-employment career. I am so looking forward to projects, to prospects turned clients, to new relationships, to new businesses… Bring it on Lord!!!

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The Proposal (before I said “YES”)

A friend of mine posted an edited version of my then-boyfriend-now-fiance’s proposal of marriage more than 2 weeks ago. What people saw was the funny, amusing, and kilig-worthy proposal with captions, turn arounds, and sound effects inserted. This time, let me tell the rest of the story. Perhaps this would save me the time and the saliva of narrating the story over and over. 🙂

I am not really a fan of surprises. JC, my boyfriend, usually has a hard time coming up with a surprise for me because it usually ends up, well, unpleasant. I remember one of the surprises he made was during my 29th birthday, where he planned a gathering with some of my friends, while I had plans with another set of friends. Apparently one of the girls I was with was already conniving with him, and it ended up with me feeling a little awkward because I wasn’t able to give enough attention to the girls I initially had plans with. The other surprise I remembered was one Valentine’s day, where out of frustration, I told JC not to send me flowers to the office, yet he still did. So, there, I wasn’t really a fan of surprises. I hate the feeling of being made fun of just because I did not have a clue.

When one by one my friends got engaged, with proposals ranging from during Feast sessions or CG gatherings, I made it clear with JC that I didn’t want a Public proposal. I would like it to be between the two of us only, minus the “inserting the ring on a cake slice”, “putting the ring in a wine glass”, or “showing the ring after my bathroom break”.  I gave instructions that he ask permission from my parents first, before proposing to me. I also told him that I wanted to be the last person to know, that prior to proposing, he would tell my family and his family first. In a way, and come to think of it, he actually followed, though not as specified.

So when the “proposal day” came, I didn’t even have the slightest idea, even if people around us were already giving hints. I guess, after a while, I got used to people asking us when we are getting married, and stuff related to that, that I already had automatic reactions and responses to each query. It even led me to telling JC that “I was no longer excited, because of the long wait.” and I guess, I got to a point in my life that even if the wedding and life-long commitment was inevitable, it no longer felt, for me, as something to look forward to.

We went to a friend’s wedding, where I served as a commentator. Before that, without knowing any related significance, I was already having palpitations. As in 3 days before the wedding, I was close to going to a doctor to have myself checked if something is wrong. I was reviewing the missalette for the wedding, and was a bit giddy with the things I read, that I took to instagram and posted a screenshot of the title page.

Before the start of the marriage rites, we had pictures with friends, had a few chats with the usual question of “kelan kayo susunod?” (when will you follow suit?), and me with the usual response, “sa kanya nyo po itanong..” (ask him..) while pointing to JC.

Fast forward to the reception. Since I was clueless, I did not notice those instances when JC left his seat to go to the comfort room, or when he did not finish his meal. Never did it occur to me that he was nervous about something. I plainly took it as him getting really full only after a few bites of his dinner, because I witnessed him eat a sandwich before the wedding. I had more to eat because the last meal I had was lunch.

I did not even find it odd that they had the bouquet toss at the end of the reception, when it usually happens in the middle part of the reception program. I really took it as genuine when Francis, the emcee and one of our friends, forgot about the bouquet toss. I did not even hesitate participating, because a few weeks back, we were already discussing that only those in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships would join the game, so it was automatic that me and my Asim CG friends would be part of it. The only suspecting remark I made was when I saw one of our friends Kirae still sitting down, considering that she was also in a relationship. That did not even relate to the kind of surprise they were brewing.

Francis asked the boyfriends to come near the middle of the room, with their cameras on, and I took that as them just wanting to capture on film who would catch the bouquet. I did not even find it odd that JC was near the girls’ huddle and was not “filming”. During the “countdown” before the bouquet is tossed, I even shoved Menmen (JC’s brother IC’s girlfriend), thinking that they should be the next one to get married.

Then the bouquet flew… and JC caught the bouquet.

My initial reaction was that of being weirded out by the fact that my boyfriend caught it. Everyone around me was giddy already and were cheering, and I was like “why did you catch it?” The girls left the huddle, and made room for JC, who gave me the bouquet. Then he had his arm over my shoulder and whispered, “Sorry, alam ko gusto mo private…” (Sorry, I know you wanted it to be private..) he said a couple of words after that which didn’t register because I already knew what he meant by that. I found myself crying already, feeling that things were surreal, with the realization that my boyfriend was already starting his marriage proposal. I know I looked like a fool with the reaction I had, because all the while, some of the people in the reception already knew that he was going to propose that day. Other guests, who weren’t really part of our circle of friends, were left in awe, dumbfounded, with hands over their mouths, feeling surprised and giddy as well.

The cheering grew louder when JC went down on one knee, clasping that red box and then opening it. Francis gave him the microphone, even if he was already popping the question. What the videos captured, and perhaps immortalized, was a muffled version of the question, not knowing that it came to me clear as crystal. My response to the question became a subject of some inside jokes. “Obvious ba?” (Isn’t it obvious?) was a rather unusual response to “Will you marry me?” Well, you have to forgive me, I was at a loss for words, that what came out of my mouth did not make any sense. I followed up with “Of course”, then realizing it was a Yes-No kind of question, I finally said, “YES!” while seemingly hitting him with the bouquet.

During that time, things took a while for me to take in. I remembered having the feeling of saying “NO” because I felt betrayed that JC was planning this with our friends behind my back. But I remembered one of those forums on public proposals that the girl should say “Yes” even if she didn’t mean it yet, to save the guy’s face, and then make the rejection in private.

Good thing for my boyfriend, oh, my fiance, I did not think about the private rejection much. I appreciated the thorough planning and, eventually the surprise. It still wasn’t a public proposal. It was a proposal made in a private event anyway. I was still the last person to know, because he already asked for my hand in marriage from the parents the Sunday before (the wedding we attended was on a Thursday). I really appreciate and felt that JC loves me so much to even device that kind of proposal, which was definitely so out of his character, and so out of the box. Who would propose during a wedding reception, right? I guess it was a first time for many that the bouquet toss would actually determine not only the next bride, but whose wedding is next. The bouquet toss became a “passing of the torch” of sorts… hehehe!

So there… I don’t know how other people would take it. As for me, I am still in disbelief… I’m [finally!] engaged!

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I was such in a productive mood yesterday… Most of the items in my To-do checklist were checked! I had anointing of ease! And to reward myself of the many things I was able to do, I gave myself time to update my blog…

I had a little difficulty publishing my post. I was thinking that it must be the internet connection. So I just saved my blog in a local draft…

Which I now could not find…

It was such an inspired blog that I was typing faster than I can think. It’s like my fingers knew their places, and knew how to construct each line..

So, now that it’s gone, I’ll just try to compose one again. Still, can’t help but feel a bit sad about it..

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Just Musing

I know it’s a bit inappropriate to post this in my blog, as this may be a bit “controversial”…

I was told as I was an under-rated singer. Well, I am not really exposed to a lot of opportunities to do so. So not a lot of people know that I’m actually good at it.

This Lent, I am noe starting to Let Go of that desire. Of that longing to sing on a big stage, in front of a very big crowd. There are definitely more people deserving and more equipped to do so.

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A Tribute

He was this charismatic architect, known for his sincere concern for the marginalized. I remember him helping out tricycle drivers, by giving them additional ways to earn a living, from simple paint jobs or minor construction work. He once ran as Barangay captain, or something.. i think he won..

Too much for a tribute no? Can’t even remember his significant contributions in our community.. but here are some things I can really remember about him..

He was our ambulance. I remember him driving my mom to the hospital, when she was to deliver my brother. One time she had to be checked up for hemorroids that made it hard for her to sit down, he would drive us with their family’s old beat up blue car (wasn’t too privy on cars then, so I dont remember the model and the brand).

He would call out my name and try making a conversation with me, but I was too “suplada” at 6 years old. When his wife’s nieces would come to their house, he would welcome me in as their playmates. I call his kids ate’s and kuya.

I would often see him standing alone in front of his pick up truck. I believe he has been a witness a lot of things going on by our gate. Sometimes I see him with a cigarette, but in the recent years, i think he has quit.

I never knew something was wrong with him. I was aware that he was growing old. I only rarely see him drive his pick up during errands.

I used to call him Mr. Vasquez, but treated him like a tito. I remember going to his house during Christmas day to make “pamasko”, and he would so generously give me crisp purple bills.

But when I grew older, transitioning to elementary, high school, college, and then employed days, the interactions were only once in a blue moon. From being the Suplada kid, I just grew as the shy lady who chooses whom to approach. Mr. Vasquez wasn’t one of them.

Maybe it was his glasses. Maybe it was his often crossed-arms, or his blank/serious look, that made me feel like I’m unworthy of a conversation with him. Maybe we just grew distant. My interactions with his wife, though, were the opposite. I would just learn about him from his wife.

Somehow, looking back at how things went between us, I still feel sad and teary-eyed knowing that he’s gone. We’re not related, but it feels so much like losing a dear Uncle.

Wherever you are, Tito Nani / Mr. Vasquez, may you rest in peace. Go design beautifully God’s abode up there, so that when it’s our turn to go up (if we do go up, hehe!), it’ll feel more like home…

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Kilig or not kilig

I couldn’t concentrate much on my reading because I was beside 3 girls in fast food restaurant talking about relationships. 2 girls were at the chairs beside those opposite mine, one girl was almost beside me.

I think they were talking about another girl who got into a relationship, but wasn’t giddy about the relationship anymore. Then they went on to define the difference between hanging out with a potential guy friend and a potential boyfriend. I was so fidgety in my seat, they would’ve mistaken me to be eavesdropping (which is somehow the case..)

At one point of that 10-15minute conversation, I wanted to just barge in and contradict their views about love. It was so silly! I’m not saying that I’m so experienced already, or that I’m an expert, but I felt like I was beside a couple of highschool kids, when they could be in their mid-, if not early 20’s..

They talk about love like it’s candy. It’s sweet, never gooey, never yucky, and can be bought anywhere. They must have missed the facts that if candy isnt chewy, then it’s hard; that it doesn’t only come in sweet flavors, as there are also sour once, spicy ones, and some bitter at first.

Hay basta, it’s so silly!! Why did I even bother listening to them. One said that there should be kilig with a guy to consider him as boyfriend-material.. and I was like, what?!?!

Heck! Whatever.. hahahahaha!

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Who God is for me…

He is my…
Father, Provider, Healer, Friend, Guide, Savior, Ruler, Strength, Comfort, Companion, Power, Peace, Hope, Love, Refuge, Redeemer, Blesser, Courage, Support, Teacher, Mentor, Deliverer, Help.

My voice when I can’t speak, My feet when I need to walk or run, My hand to hold when I am alone, My eyes when I need to see things in a different light, My ears when I need to savor the Music of Life, My shoulder to cry on when life brings me down, My constant listener/counselor when I just feel like venting out.

God is so many things to me, but I just couldn’t put everything into words. Ii is such a wonderful feeling to stay in all those moments that God reminds me of His presence and what He does in my life.

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